In which I recall the trust I have placed in him

My sex addict fiance has fucked with my head twice in two days now. He says I am stupid and frustrating. He cant stand me and wants to know why we bother. He has backed me into a corner verbally , where I can't say a god damn word without making him furious. He has the worst temper I have ever known. No one who professes to love me has ever talked to me like this. I talk him down, apologize, or just let him stew all night. This first time he was angry because I am not seducing him. I have no lust he says, and I agree on that. I have been feeling no sex drive. I have been acting like I do online, working on two web sites - getting paid 1 to 3 dollars a minute. I am acting like a horny slut for hours at a time, and when it comes to real life, I am having a problem feeling it. He says other women dont treat him this way, and I say he is nice to other women. He is working on charming them - and he lets the dogs out on me. He is brutally honest. I told him his opinion is not a fact, it is just an opinion. He says I am a lazy lover, and that he has been carrying the burden of initiating our sex for years. He said I just stand around in my underwear and wait for him to do something, I said I do just stand around and pretty soon you have your cock in me. It has worked for 4 years, I thought maybe if I seduced you, we would have sex 6 times a day instead of just 3. I am trying to make enough money at freelance jobs to stay flexible enough to travel to him every two or three weeks. The only flexible job right now has been web camming. Now he says to give up web camming and just visit him 2x a year if it means my lust will be back. I'm not flooded with 9-5 job offers, so that is not a choice right now, but I may have to cross that bridge soon. SO that was a 4 hour bitch session into the night, where we finally made up with me describing me seducing my black lover. I totally make up lies of infidelity now. He wants me to cheat on him and tell him later. This is totally unconventional and not monogamous at all, flying in the face of everything I knew about marriage.

The second time was not really a break up, but a stew all night. He needs to realize that I need a certain kind of mood and a certain kind of support to work nights camming on line. If I don't work nights, I don't make enough money. If I dont make enough money, I can't pay my bills. He is happy enough to let me pay for his flight lessons, but is very disruptive to my night time work efforts. I need to tell him to stop disrupting my online time, I get little chance to work enough as it is. On a busy night I need to stay on. I dont need his drama, I dont need to get in a raging fight. He cant stop himself, i dont know what kind of reigns to put on him, he has no empathy for me, no sympathy for my situation. He does not take any care not to upset me, it seems he goes out of his way to piss me off and then watches me burn up. He has no patience if I dont grab the phone immediately. I turned off his mike and then asked him a questions and he fucking freaked out because i forgot i couldnt hear him. I told him i need patience, i dont multi-task well. I get flustered, please just shake it off and dont get all pissy. We made up this am, but I am still feeling bruised and puffy.